One of the bummer things about getting older is that you have to start thinking about things like colon cancer. So here I am today, suffering through a clear liquid diet for the entire 24 hours prior to the main event. Can't eat anything! I'm drinking chicken broth, gatorade, plain water, strained fruit juice. Not much calorie content in there. As the morning wears on, I'm starting to feel a little hungry. But what the hell, I just might lose a little weight.
And the worst is yet to come. This evening I get to drink SUPER LAXATIVE. I'm thinking of setting up a cot in the bathroom 'cuz this stuff is so powerful that I will be completely cleaned out. I will no longer be full of shit, at least for a day.
And I'm doing this so that some guy, who I still haven't even met, gets to bend me over and slide his optic fiber cable up my ass for a look around. If he finds anything like a polyp, out it goes. If he finds cancer, I'm thrown into the hospital for emergency surgery. If he makes a mistake! And perforates my colon! I get immediate emergency surgery!! I'm not stressing over this at all. Probably shouldn't even be thinking about the stuff like I mentioned above.
This will be good for me. I will get a day off work and will go home to nap in the afternoon knowing that my guts are clean and pink, and that there is nothing for me to worry about. Hmm, I wonder if he'll remodel my asshole while he's down there. I wouldn't mind getting rid of those other signs of aging.
2 comments:
Oh dear God I don't envy you at all. I've done a few of those now and I hate them, HATE them! When they told me I had to drink "Fleet" to "clean it out" I laughed and said "are you aware of just what crohn's IS?" The nurse stared dumfounded and I just took the bottle of Fleet from her hand and stalked off with a sigh... Anyhow, know that I feel your pain intimately and if you get scared - see me there holding your hand, OK? I promise not to peek at your bum either xox
Jeanniegrrl, thanks for your kind words and for being able to identify with my plight. I'll look for your hand if needed.
I wouldn't mind you looking at my buns. With all of the Martial Arts that I've been getting into, my bum is in pretty good shape for a guy my age.
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